A rainy day

                                                            

The sky was like a dome of metallic blue, coughing out the sounds of thunderclaps. the clouds were splattering rain in slanted splashes of moisture from the south. I stood beside the pillar of frame roof that pops out from our drawing-room into the courtyard. stretching my arm out of the shelter I could feel the droplets falling and slipping out of my palm and traveling the length of my arm. puddles were plinking in pots. droplets were dripping from the pine green and lime green leaves. the scent of wet mud and fragrant flowers dissolved in the moist air pulled me out from stillness. I strode to the center, dancing on the cacophony and whirling around on my toes. turning my face to the sky I could sense cold pinches on my skin. I giggled at the raindrops and they were giggling at me. my mother stared at me as if I was mad or was pretending to be heroin of a movie so I wound up my posture and sat on stairs to let my mind play the scenarios on the projector of my thoughts and there that dead came out of me. In a few moments, I found the old me standing in front of me morphing with deeply felt miserable melodies. she scolds me, hits me, scratches all the wounds to make them bleed again. 

"you shatter into pieces, you clench your face at nights, you hide in masks, you seep in the fumbling fantasies wooing them to hold you. you stumble, lisp, mumble, and choke in the nightmares of your creations. you walk on the sharp blades to punish yourself for your pain. your blood gurgles out of uneasiness. your heart bleeds out of fear. you lost that burning flame and now you are dark inside. you are rude. you are heartless. you are fed up with all the mess that hurts you. the sun's last beams have blotted out of your day. you are being swallowed by your black hole inside your black heart. everything every hand that comes in to save you ends up hating you.

you are born to be hated. you are irritating you are unkind you are a complete mess in your way. you are a scar of your personality. "

why do I find myself so dark inside? why can't I trust any good thing around me? why can't I share anyone's pain? 

when you are broken into thousands of pieces and every broken piece breaks into pieces again. when you don't find a hand to take you out of the hell going inside of you 

when there is no one to listen you screaming 

when everyone hates all of you 

when you are pushed into thousand of inferiority complexes and you know you are not inferior to anyone or anything 

when you find an evil intention behind every smiling face 

when your tears dry up but the pain still makes your' heart heavy

when you want someone to hold you but everyone hates you and you can't even find the reason to be hated

then, you find yourself  in a state of never-ending depression anxiety and...........